Panic! At Whole Foods

A few posts ago, I wrote about what life is like when anxiety is in town. I’d like to think it was a wholehearted open piece that made it appear like I am handling this disease like a champion. That doesn’t mean I’m immune to moments of what others may consider sheer insanity, like today’s visit to Whole Foods.

I don’t know if this happens to the rest of you, but I have days where my motor functioning simply will not agree with me. I fall off of chairs, trip over my own two feet, break dishes and drop nearly everything I pick up. Today was one of those days and man did my motor functioning give out on me while I was picking up a few essentials at Whole Foods.

Basket balanced nicely with chicken breasts, magnesium spray, and a birthday card in hand, I picked up a small mason jar with a bouquet of flowers and, foolishly, placed it in the hand basket. My boot camp instructor had posted our calorie burn from class this morning which gave me the bright idea to visit the desserts for a treat. Somewhere near the hot food buffet, I forgot about maintaining equilibrium and drained the entire mason jar on my feet and a healthy swath of the floor around me.

My first thought was to abandon my basket, scoot to my car as inconspicuously as possible and get out of Dodge. My second, only slightly more reasonable thought, was to grab as many flimsy brown paper napkins as possible and mop up the worst part of the spill. Note – it never occurred to me to clean up all of the spill. As deftly as possible I dropped to all fours, soaked the napkins, threw them in my basket and took a definitely not suspicious speed shuffle the long way to the register where I confused the teenage boy responsible for ringing up my wet chicken.

No more than 30 seconds after pulling out of the parking lot my anxiety spun out. This is what played through my mind on the 4 minutes it took to drive to the dry cleaner.

What if someone slips and falls on the water I left behind?

Why didn’t I tell anyone I spilled water?

Why didn’t I tell the boy at the register that I spilled water?

Does it count that he knew my chicken was wet and my mason jar was empty so he could have deduced that I spilled water somewhere?

What if someone slips and falls on the water and they sue Whole Foods?

What if someone slips and falls on the water and they sue Whole Foods and Whole Foods reviews their video footage and finds the evidence of me only mopping up a quarter of the spill and then they tie me to my purchase because no one else purchased chicken, magnesium spray and a birthday card that day? AND THEN THAT PERSON SUES ME TOO? I have no money for an attorney and it will be ALL MY FAULT!

My body temperature flared, I felt hot and uncomfortable in my own skin, I stopped breathing regularly. When I parked at the dry cleaner I had convinced myself some nice older lady was on her way to breaking her neck and it was my fault. So I, Scout’s Honor, called Whole Foods and told them the entire story.

Because sometimes anxiety takes over, even when I’m doing the very best I can. And if it happens to you too, you are not alone!